When I decided to be a musician, I don’t think I was fully prepared for the kind of rejection I would face on a daily basis. And before we go any further, let’s be clear that just because someone is occasionally passed over, that does not degrade there skill, talent or worth. That’s a common misconception and a dangerous one for anyone who is pursuing an art.

Truth be told, I thought becoming a musician was going to be “easy”. How naive. I thought, at worst, I’d cut my teeth for a few years but still be able to support myself full-time and be comfortable. Needless to say, that was my biggest mistake. Three years later and I catch myself thinking that I haven’t progressed at all and that I’m still fighting for the same shows, desiring for acceptance from the same people and still working to prove myself to an audience that really couldn’t care that I’ve sacrificed a huge portion of my life to music.

Obviously, that’s a bit extreme- but the sentiment is there. In fact earlier this week, I was sent an email essentially saying that the annual gig I’ve played for the past two years and I have always felt a vest interested in has decided to pass on me as a performer. While frustrating, I understand that nothing is a guaranteed. And instead of getting angry, I’ve decided to work harder.

But I wonder what it’s like for people who rise to meteoric heights in industries based on mass acceptance without encountering a good deal of resistance. Reject develops character and resolve. It reinforces the will power that a person already has to stand up every night and be judged by people who know nothing about you. Ironically, Bitter and jealous musicians say things like, “They don’t deserve fame because they didn’t have to go through the club scene to get to where they are.” While I don’t subscribe to that thought, there is definitely a ring of truth in that statement, at least in terms of working through the struggle of being a musician.

I don’t want to discount the struggles people have whether they are better off than I am or not. But personally, I’m glad to face rejection and sometimes, I welcome it as a galvanizing tool in life. It’s not only natural, but it is essential for developing into a well-rounded person. Anyone who doesn’t face rejection on a regular basis needs to put themselves into situations where they will. Besides, it makes the successes all the more sweet.

Here’s a something from the Huffington Post about “neverisms”. You know that saying, “never say never”? I used to joke around and say that you break your own rule twice if you say that to someone. Anyways, the post is kind of a laundry list of stuff that you should do to have a more fulfilled and successful life. In a sentimental way, it’s beautiful. In a realistic way, it’s kind of true.

Neverisms

I have these stickers that say “I Think I Believe In Myself”. I think I’m finally going to make a t-shirt to compliment that idea. Let me know what you think!

I have been awestruck by the SDMAs since I moved to San Diego in 2007. People that I’ve enjoyed listening to like Jason Mraz, Switchfoot and Blink 182 have all been a part of this celebration of San Diego music and I’ve admired them all from afar. It’s strange and surreal to suddenly find myself following in the footsteps of all of these San Diego musicians before me. I won’t go as far as to say that we are now peers, but I feel like I’m one step closer to my heroes.

I see this journey like a small-town kid’s move to a big city. I look at all of the things that I’ve done in the years leading up to the present with a childlike wonderment. Not much has been lost on me and everyday I wake up in disbelief that this is actually my life. It’s been a crazy, strange trip and I will do everything I can to keep going!

On August 1, people will be able to vote and I would love it if you took a few minutes to vote for your favorite/deserving San Diego music/musician (I’ll post a link soon). It would REALLY be icing on the cake if you decided that I was that musician! After everything you’ve given me, I would be content for the rest of my life.

Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. While awards are a wonderful way to validate my passions, nothing comes close to the love and support all my family, friends and fans give me every day.

See you soon!

****UPDATE****

Voting has begun for the San Diego Music Awards! If you have a little bit of time, please check out the wonderful music the nominees have made and vote! Hope to see you all soon!

Yes, it’s already 11 days into the year but I’m going to keep saying “Happy New Year” until I stop accidentally writing 2009 on everything.

I’ve already had a busy year with “Live from Lestat’s” CD release, a few BIG shows later on in the year and the big media push for the last few weeks (not to mention a very successful show in San Francisco at the Hotel Utah at the beginning of the year). Oh, did I mention that I’m finally assembling a backing band? We’ll probably start performing in late February. Keep those ears open!

As always, my whole perspective on my music career is shifting and I’m on the verge of what may be my most important self-discovery to date. I think I’ve finally found a way to reconcile my love of music, my desire to succeed as a performing singer/songwriter and my disdain for promotion and the music industry. It’s really no big secret or grand, inventive scheme. But it is a revelation to me.

I know what you’re thinking… at least I think I do. It could be, “tell us this new idea” or “who cares”. Either way, I think I’ll hold onto this thought for a bit longer. Besides, when was the last time people were thrilled to hear a marketing plan for someone else?

What I will share is that in order for this to work, I’ll need your support. You don’t have to send your friends mass text messages about shows or RT anything that I say. In fact, you don’t have to do anything! I just need to be sent good vibes! Come hang out once in a while at a show. Or drop me a line on any of the social media sites I’m on. If you feel inclined to share my music, that would make my day! Just help me feel like what I’m doing is appreciated and I’ll keep returning the favor.

On a different note, “Live from Lestat’s” is going to be here this Friday! I’m really excited to show you where I’ve gone in the last year and a half.

Hope to hear from you soon!
Kenny Eng (BETA)

I went to LA to play a show a few weeks before and I came to the realization that there are thousands of people just like me wandering around the country, trying to be the next Jeff Buckley or Jimi Hendrix. That thought made me feel incredibly small and insignificant. Being in the San Diego bubble for the last year and a half has given me a good deal of confidence and a potentially undue sense that I deserve success. I started writing this song about how the illusion of LA was alluring and dangerous to our personal idea of self-worth and honesty (which is far more important than any amount of success).

As an independent artist, the concept of self-marketing is something I have yet to come to terms with. I don’t have a manager or a publicist who’s dedicated job is to make me look bigger and better than I am. I don’t have a scheme to achieve fame or success, nor do I think I need to. But as I delve deeper into the dream, I find myself realizing that my long term career means a measure of self-promotion that cannot be avoided.

To my own chagrin, I’ve been adamant about avoiding that type of marketing in the past. I’ve been very vocal about not wanting to travel down that road. And unfortunately, I’ve always been more of the self-effacing, shy type so talking myself up does not come as second nature. But this is a time of development and I find myself more and more open to the idea. Maybe it’s because all the youthful idealism has left me or I’m just more desparate than before (I hope not).

I think I believe in myself. I know that I can accomplish great things if I work a little harder at what I do but the thought that I’m somehow deserving of any kind of success always makes me feel sleezy. Mal left me with two ideas that have stuck with me so far. The first is if I don’t believe in myself, then no one else will either. The second is that where there is potential to fail, there is also potential for great success. To avoid those situations will only make success more elusive.

I don’t know what iterations these new ideas will take. I’m still conflicted about how far to market myself and how I will feel about becoming that guy who is always reminding people to come to my shows. But necessity breeds innovation (or in my case, creativity) so hopefully I can turn this into something entirely new!

Consider yourselves warned.

-Kenny