I am writing to you to expound upon a very serious and dire issue which has recently come to my attention.
You’ve known them as friends that have been with you since birth (some have known them longer…much longer). You have cried on them. You have held them. You have cuddled with them. And still they remain an enslaved people. They are your stuffed animals.
Today, when I was enroute to Knotts Soak City in Chula Vista, I came across a sad sight: an abandoned stuffed animal in the middle of the freeway. Now, I do not claim to know the circumstances of the situation. I don’t know if the animal was being used as a present for a sick child in Cabo or a drug mule for some unspeakable cartel.
What I do know is that our stuffed animals do not deserve this kind of inhumane treatment. Thus, I’ve decided to found the People for Ethical Treatment of Stuffed Animals.
Stuffed animals are not unlike humans. Do they not feel? If you cut them, do they not expose their fluffy, white innards? If you pull at their button eyes, do they not come out?
My friends, I ask you to join me in repaying the debt that we owe these cuddly creatures. Join us at PETSA by sending us pictures of your beloved stuffed animals (firstname.lastname@example.org). I will post them on my site and hope to move forward with legislation to Congress.
With much hope for the future,